Twitter on the Shitter

TWITTER ON THE SHITTER

Oh, Twitter on the shitter,

you make my legs go blue.

Oh, Twitter on the shitter, 

while i'm having a big fat poo. 

Oh, Twitter on the shitter,

i'm tweeting, i just can't end.

Oh, Twitter on the shitter, 

just one more tweet to send.

Oh, Twitter on the shitter, 

i'm at work what can i do, 

Oh, Twitter on the shitter, 

can I strain another poo ? 

Oh, Twitter on the shitter, 

work know now what im doing. 

Oh, Twitter on the shitter, 

they know that i'm not pooing. 

Oh, Twitter on the shitter, 

i think i'll get the sack, 

Oh, Twitter on the shitter, 

this tweet will get them back 

Oh, Twitter on the shitter, 

this tweets just for my boss, 

Oh, Twitter on the shitter,

i think he'll get quite cross

Oh, Twitter on the shitter, 

i saw him on the bog 

Oh, Twitter on the shitter, 

he twitpic'd his massive log

Oh, Twitter on the shitter, 

 i couldn't resist to RT

Oh, Twitter on the shitter

and now he's just like me

Oh, Twitter on the shitter,

you make my legs go blue. 

Oh, Twitter on the shitter, 

while i'm having a big fat poo.

Breaking Anus News

Jesus Anus found in Wood

The Penguin MUST die

Hello. This is a blog apparently. I'm not sure what I'm really meant to do with it. Maybe I'll talk about the time that I killed (probably, an accident) a penguin when I was in South Georgia (the Island in the South Atlantic, not the American state. They don't have Penguins do they ? Maybe in a zoo. Which zoo ? Doesn't matter) , maybe not. I did explain this on Twitter and bored the crap out of my followers, so maybe its not a good idea. Although, I could do it as more of a story.........maybe later.

As you can see I'm a little bit random. I'm a bad speller and swear a little bit. No, alot. FUCK, see. That was a bit of a show off. Aaaaaanywho, back to the blog. You see, my life changed as a result of the penguin incident (it really didn't, I just need a little dramatic effect). Since then I think I've lived about a hundred lives. I was in the Navy (I'm not Gay or owt. Not that that matters. The Navy accepts gays. Not very tolerant of them though..bit of inside information for you there. But I personally am not gay. Though I once saw a weird film in Amsterdam). I've lived in Israel and worked on a Kibbutz. Lived in Germany, Berlin and worked in Burger King on the Kufurstedam (or however you spell it my German is shocking and culminates in the only main word I know being Funeral - Beerdigung - another story). Been to College as a mature student and passed everything. Got Married to someone I thought was waaaaaaay out of my league. Worked a load of Mcjobs including selling industrial units to the Birmingham underworld. Made some kids, 2 of them, fucking irritating, but your supposed to love them aren't you. I do really. Got my own business, manufacturing. Its fucking HARD work, harder than anything, but I do get to do some skivepoo tweets and not give a shit (pun intended). Then here I am now. All in the space of 18 years since the penguin incident.

So you see the Penguin MUST die, otherwise my life would never have happened and I wouldn't be here to type this. It formed part of one of my lives from what seems like a million years ago. It was 18 years. I know I just said. I like being over dramatic.

It's strange isn't it that once I maybe, probably, accidentally killed a penguin and now that incident is part of my life forever. And you're reading this. Probably in your pants ? Maybe fingering a goat ?